I'm getting nervous about running out of ideas, or maybe I already have and I'm beating a dead horse. Sheesh. So here's something dumb- I gave myself a Valentine's Day challenge a few years ago and now I'm going to go themey again, but it's entirely likely that I'll hate what I get in the end. I'm willing to take that chance. 

So I'm going to make flower photographs based on Andie's outfits in Pretty in Pink, yes, INCLUDING THE PROM DRESS. I'm going to try to have some fun if I can. Ugh.  Where can I get periwinkle blue flowers..? Hydrangeas!

I need,..

• lace
• pearls
• brocade
• "old fashioned" flowers- big blousey peonies, roses, hydrangeas 

It's my birthday week- let's make a list of stuff I like/nice things in my life. Hey! Let's make it a list of 55 things! Cool.
1. My sweet lil family! Top spot goes to them for all the obvious reasons. I really like having them at the center of my life.  Alec brings me so much joy every day and Pat is a constant support and comfort. I love that he just knows, actually, both of them know what I need and I never have to explain myself. I could ramble on about how much they mean to me for a while, but I have 54 other things to write about, so...
2. Cheese! I was initially going to just say "fewd!" but it's too broad, so I need to do individual foods? Cheese is great, I'm starting with that.
3. Travel! Travelling, planning travel, thinking about traveling...all good things. I'm really looking forward to this year's travel- Rome, London, Scotland... yeah! Let's go (before we can't any more).
4. My house/studio! It's all done and it's so lovely and perfect.
5. Making art! This one's tricky- it also stresses me out for perhaps no reason at all. 
6. Music! I always feel better when there's a soundtrack to my life. 
7. Singing! I don't have such a bad singing voice, it's a shame I never did anything with it, but there you go. 
8. Teaching! When it's good, it's really good. Right now it's more good than bad. 
9. The Houston art community! Basically one of the few social things that gets me out of the house to, uh, socialize.
10. Gin and tonics! Probably would be better for me if I loved them less. 
11. Clothes! I love a good dress or a basically anything that is stylish and comfortable, comfort being key.
12. Lil feral cats! Just wish they would all let me pet them, though. 
13. Nice Houston restaurants! Casaema, Nancy's Hustle, Tiny Champions, Agnes and Sherman, Agnes, Coltivare, Cantina Barba, Pondicheri, Pinkertons- oh so many. Thank you, Houston.
14. Good friends! Kate, Willy, Paige, Daniela, Vicky, Corey, the Reiths, etc
15. Fig trees! Wonderful, durable, delicious fruit producing trees.
16. My car! Reliable, comfortable, boring, and perfect.
17. The cistern! My lovely church.
18. A lovely quiche!
19. A lovely champagne!
20. Crappy tv! Currently watching The Traitors.
21. Mini Juice! Where is he now? Who hid him last?
22. Ottomans! Put those tired feet up in style!
23. My lovely comfy bed! Noice.
24. Badedas bubble baths!
25. Japanese toilets!
26. Funky orange wine! 
27. Breakfast tacos!
28. A trip to IKEA!
29. Christmas Eve with Nick, Kathy, and Charlie!
30. Christmas in general!
31. Halloween in Lindale Park!
32. Fancy drinks with Pat and Alec at Starduster or Berwick's!
33. That post-pedicure feeling!
34. West Texas road trips!
35. That dumb matchstick light from IKEA!
36. Tote bags!
37. Spag bol!
38. Thunderstorms!
39. Disco dancing!
40. Oh my god! FLOWERS!! Hellebores, peonies, tulips...
41. Pistachios!
42. Grocery shopping on a slow day!
43. Salt and black pepper potato chips!
44. Perky students who laugh at my jokes and think I'm in my 30s!
45. Fishwish!
46. Lindale Park!
47. Estate sales!
48. The mill house in Muchalls, Stonehaven, the whole Aberdeenshire area really!
49. Coffee!
50. Pastries!
51. A good view!
52. 
53.
54.
55.

So many things to talk about- memory loss, fears of lost creativity, heath scares, menopause, retirement obsession... It's hard to tell where to start but I need to start something. I'm glad I have this little space, even though it's likely that I'll be the only one who sees any of this. That's okay. 

Maybe today I'll talk about Paige's tarot reading. I garbled some stuff about getting ready for retirement (tripping over my words like an idiot who desperately wants cool people to love me/be impressed by me/think I"m cool too- what do I need to be thinking about/how should I be preparing. I didn't have much of an objective, but she gave me way more than I could have imagined. She's great. I know a lot of it is about projecting what you want to hear onto the reading, but in a way that's okay. I think it helps to reframe your own thoughts or when you hear someone else say it, it gives the idea a chance to be better understood. She pulled up a card, I don't remember which one, I'm bad at remembering the specific cards and what they mean, but it was supposed to represent how others around me (work?) feel about me, and she mentioned something about me being considered "enigmatic and mysterious". Cool! I thought others stayed away from me because they thought I was lame or something. God knows if it's true, but I'd like to believe that it is and it makes sense- I'm a little weirdo, into weird stuff like music that they don't understand. Who knows. Paige also discussed another card, again, no idea which one, in which I think it represented something I'll need to address in the future. She said there will be heartbreak. I just started welling up. I think I also cried the last time when she read my cards and I had something I wanted to address about Alec going to school (maybe? It was a long time ago) So yeah, it's going to be sad. That seems obvious now, but I really hadn't thought about it. I was at AHS for a long time, a lot of stuff happened and as much as I love telling my students to now get too wrapped up in work so that it becomes a part of your personality, I guess a bit of it has gotten through to me anyway. Now that I think about it though, maybe I won't be THAT sad. Maybe when Paige said it in her wonderful way, she made it seem really sad. Again, I'm not sure. What else? There was one card, "The World", that I remember, but what did it represent? Travel? Traveling with others? Eh. Other things I wrote down: "What I'm worrying about is all in my head". "Things haven't fallen into place yet/I need to weave the web". "AHS created a garden for me"- I really did learn a lot and gain a lot from working there- more than I'd like to admit, so I guess that "garden" thing is very true. Right now I'm only just dealing with this year and it's so hard to remember all the good stuff that came before. Would I have been on Martha Stewart if I hadn't been at AHS and felt safe/encouraged to be free like that? I don't know. I can say, however, that I don't feel safe/encouraged with the current group of people I'm surrounded by and maybe that's why I'm so grumpy.